From Maria Gloria Perez serving in Spain
QUESTION:Lovingly Confront?
"How can someone lovingly confront someone who is using the church platform to promote himself/herself?"
RICK MUCHOW:
This is a very hard part of our role as the leader, but it's something we have to do from time to time. I want to encourage you and any pastor dealing with this type of situation that you CAN do this in a loving way and have positive results. Remember that these are God's people not our people. He is also working on them as He is working on us.
Stop now and read James 1. Verse 12 tells us that "Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life." (Message)
First, it's the leader's responsibility to maintain the integrity of the ministry. I don't know any leader who enjoys confronting but it comes with the territory. My rule is to confront as early as possible. Look for tendencies and teaching opportunities. For example, at the beginning of a new rehearsal cycle, it's important to be clear about the expectation for the ministry team. Expectations like punctuality, consistent attendance, knowing the music, and being a team player can be discussed up front at the start of a new cycle. Establishing these standards enables you to handle the first time a team member is late or shows a hint of pride by immediately addressing this. Lovingly confront them by pulling them aside to address this alone rather than waiting until it becomes a disruptive pattern.
Further, the building of a personal relationship as a foundation for loving confrontations is very important. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Consistently demonstrate your love for the group and the individuals in practical ways such as calling them by name, remembering their prayer requests and thanking them for their commitment to the ministry.
Finally, to me loving confrontation is about delivering the truth in love built on the foundations above. When talking to a person, it is very important HOW you say what you say, not just what you say. Never argue. You never win an argument in a situation like this. Try not to be accusatory, but ask in such a way about a situation to say that you were surprised that this might or could be an issue. Talk to the person as if you are speaking into what they can be and not judging them. Do all you can to preserve their dignity. Never confront out of anger. Never confront in front of the group. Short criticism of an individual over the microphone is never appropriate. Use discretion when confronting the opposite sex. It is very wise to have a witness with you whom the person you are confronting trusts and with whom they could possibly debrief afterwards.
Colossians 4:6 in the Message says "Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out," and in King James says, "Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." We need to be gracious and seasoned with salt and try to bring out the best in people.
